Let me talk to you about “open doors” for a minute or 10. When I first got to Hunter Army Airfield, I knew I wanted to be a company executive officer (XO), but I was given a platoon leader (PL) position which is a key development (KD) position for most officers. I was a little uncertain, and a little intimidated as the PL though I tried to hide it. But sooner than later I came into my own as a leader. I also observed somethings that I allowed to turn off my passion and drive, this was obviously to my detriment. I should have remained vigilent to the end, even so, my evaluation was not terrible or even bad. But I know my potential and its MUCH better than I allowed myself to recieve. I began fasting for an XO position back in March of this year, I did two 40 day fasts, and simply forgotten and given up hope. I got my first evaluation which was pretty good, and then, I felt a strong “urge” to let my commander know that since I have been already rated for PL time, which is KD then I would like to open up my position to any new lieutenant (LT) in the battalion who needed KD time. As I made that offer, the battalion commander was talking with another young, talented LT about what jobs he wanted, and my job (maintenance PL) was the one. Somewhere along the line I had a change of heart and I wanted to keep my platoon, but God had other plans, namely, answering the prayer/fast I made back in March. So, after about 30 days of foot dragging, the switch was made, and I was assigned to the “dracula’s castle” aka the battalion headquarters as the assistant S4. I vehemently protested going to S4, and as God would have it, we had a month long field problem, and that is when God decided it was time to make his move. Division had a requirement for four LT’s to fill XO positions, and all the brigades had to submit names, I was selected above four other LTs in my Brigade, and I was one of four LTs selected throughout the Division. I did my interview and I aced it! Caveat: my battalion XO said I probably would not even get the job (ha! it is not what you know, but who you know amen). I prayed just before the interview and I prayed after, I had to wait about 30 days to hear personally from the BN CDR, and during the 30 day wait I became discouraged. So I started another 40 day fast, and that is when claimed it! I told God, you gave me this job, give me faith to hold on and be patient. I had peace, and it was the day before my birthday that I got the call. Everything just felt right, based on the turn of events, I can only conclude that God opended the doors. I suspect that nothing will be easy, but if He brought me to it, He will see me through it.
divine appointment
Defeated, Never!
For the past two days, the “devil” has been trying to make me feel defeated. I have been worrying a bit too much about my new job (which I have not started yet), worried that I won’t be good enough, that I am not smart enough or capable. I noticed that my self talk has been negative.
But in all this, I have a choice! And this morning as I woke up I said to God, I am not defeated, I have no reason to worry, I will cast all my cares on you, because you care for me. I believe I got this job through divine intervention, and I will do my utmost to be my best at it.
I got a second chance at quiet a few things, God is showing me my areas of weakness, small things about me that are not in tune with his will. And I will have to fix it immediately. But these kinks in my life are not showing failure, but ways to improve and become better at life.
I am not defeated, I will no longer be worried, I will only do my utmost to bring glory to God.
What To Do With Disappoinment
I have started a quest for excellence long before I even thought of documenting it. I never believed in the potential I had deep inside. How can this be? My mind kept telling me I could be great, I didn’t have what it took. And boy was I wrong! In the awesome little book “Who Moved My Cheese” ? By Spencer Johnson, one of the characters named Haw wrote on the wall “what would you do if you were not afraid”?
Fear is what keeps us caged! (you can quote me on that ;)). I got my evaluation from my commander who is my rater (the write up was not bad at all) but my battalion commander (senior rater) write up was not good, in fact, it was bland (which is what makes it bad). At any rate, I went from being a top not performer to not even being enumerated on my evaluation (is it really that bad? I don’t think so, I am sure there is some bias involved).
I am disappointed, because I know what I have inside, but I also know that I did not do my best this time around. What does this mean to me? It means that this OER is my wake up call! It means I turned into a wimp! I let my situation dictate what I was going to be and do! That is the WRONG DAMN ANSWER! And that is what gave my senior rater the “permission” to write crap about me. It put a fire under my butt!
So, what do I do with disappointment? I make it motivate me to GREATNESS! What do you do with disappointment?
Be Awesome Today! :-) 