My campaign to be the best continues, as I look back on my last assignment and self assess (not beat myself up or put myself down), I asked myself one question. “Can you HONESTLY say that you did your best?”, the answer is no. I started out with the best intentions in mind, and I achieved quiet a bit in a short time (with in 90 days of taking over my platoon, we consolidated and turned in over $1,000,000 in excess equipment), but I managed to allow “something” to slow me down, to distract me from my course. I became “disgruntled” with how things were done above my level, yet instead of taking action to create change for the better, I decided recluse myself.
I love second chances, I am in a new place, with a new challenge and a big fire burning in my belly. I will take this place by storm, I will make it better (it’s already good), but I have decided on two questions that I must ask daily and internalize.
1. Prior to the start of my day I will ask “what would I do today if I were not afraid?”
2. At the end of my day I will ask “did I do my best today?”
I will never speak negatively of myself again, I will never put myself down or beat myself up for anything. It solves nothing, it creates self doubt, and the last thing you or need to do is doubt ourselves.
Today, I did crossfit with my commander (he is a freak of nature, #beastmodeonwith NOS!) I was sore from the previous two days of crossfit, and I felt my “tiny heart syndrome” flaring up. As I did my front squat with a mere 45LBS bar, I felt a whine try to escape my mouth, I mentally rebuked myself! and I asked “is that your best? can you do better? do you have more inside?” I had more, I always have more, but I am usually afraid to dig it up and I really cannot tell you why (because I don’t know why). So, instead of uttering a “tiny heart whine” I affirmed myself out loud “I can do this! I got this”.
I quit feeling sorry for myself, and my sore body, though I noticed I was moving slower than my younger counter parts after the workout, I popped two Motrin, drank water and Soldiered on. When I noticed I was moving slowly, I picked up the pace (just a little bit ;)). I have determined that I will/must consciously decide daily to NOT be my biggest obstacle.
I do have a fear of failure, as a child that fear crippled me, it prevented me from trying hardest, now it drives me to do my best today!
Be Awesome Today! :-) 